The Paradox of Possession: Why We Yearn for What We Cannot Hold?
In the silence of man’s corridors, a paradox lies, an expanded feeling of wanting something that always is just a little beyond one’s reach. We are obsessed with the illusionary, the unreachable, the mysterious, and these very things fill our heads, beckoning to us with an otherworldly allure. It is as if the unrealized lives are free rent in our heads, more dear in its loss than any holding of the arms we can attain. It reminds us incessantly of what it will never be, a kind of chimera whispering of ideal pleasures, of how things could be if only one might attain it.
Meanwhile, all that we have goes down into the backwash, shrouded in the damp familiarity that breeds apathy. Indeed, we forget the treasures that are our daily companions: the victory we have worked for, the relationships we have nurtured, and those simple things that bring joy into our lives. If such is the reality of being out of one’s way in ignoring what one already has in place for what’s still out of his or her reach, it may just land us in some sort of wheel-revolve-of-wishfulness. It is one that always promises to deliver at the next conquest but very seldom does.
The Paradox of Possession: a self-defeating vicious cycle
This is a vicious cycle that is ultimately self-defeating insofar as it drives us backward. In seeking the next “thing,” we debase the present, deprive ourselves of the happiness brought by gratitude and appreciation, and tell ourselves that contentment is a future destination, a place we will only reach when we have what we lack. Yet, the closer we draw to one desire, another pops up in front of us, like a mirage across the desert horizon. It’s if the heart had been coached to run after, never look back, focus only on the holes and not the treasures already acquired.
To think for a moment about the beauty of a friendship well cared for, the serenity of a moment of solitude, and the warmth of knowing we are loved. Treasures beyond price, they are, yet too often unacknowledged. We forget what it is that we at least dreamed of; we forget what it is we aspired to own. They once ensnared our minds when they were out of reach; now, like whispers in a room crowded with noise, they fade into silence. It’s the possibility that we, in paying attention to them, therefore lose wholeness in our own lives, that beauty hidden behind the mundane.
This paradox of possession – the knowledge that we yearn for what we lack while overlooking what we have; is an ancient one. The philosophers, poets, and thinkers of old have cautioned us to “want what we have” rather than “having what we want.” But in our busy, achievement oriented world, we’re more likely to celebrate ambition and mistake contentment for complacency. And true contentment is hardly complacent; it’s rather the act of a certain active and intentional appreciation of life as already full, already enough.
We can break this cycle
We break this cycle by the art of mindful gratitude. It’s a choice, an intentional act of noticing and valuing what surrounds us. When we pause to recognize our blessings, our heart finds peace, and our mind settles in appreciation. We come to realize the richness already in our lives. For real, the small miracles: loved ones laugh together with us; nature is beautiful; and lessons worth learning for wisdom.
When we learn to value what we hold dear, then fades the haunting allure of the unattainable. We find most of the treasure in life is hardly anything that can be grasped in our hands, but it is indeed what we hold dear in our hearts and minds. Rather than letting our heads be filled with what we don’t have, let’s think about the treasures we do. In doing so, we may find that satisfaction is not in the infinite chase after “more,” but in the depth with which we appreciate all we currently have.
Ultimately what we cannot possess will always haunt our minds, but it does so as a teacher. A silent reminder not to reach for illusions but to live full in with what we hold here and now. True wealth is not the mirage of desire but the still and contemplative appreciation of what is real, and what brings life to a full embodiment. And then we find that life is gift: overflowing and full only if let be.
Author Dr. Sethi K.C.
Daman, India – Auckland, New Zealand
